After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
