Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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