I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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