Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize