I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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