Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
