I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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