OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
