she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
