Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
