some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She tied me up with her honor cords...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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