The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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