roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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