You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
