You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I could fuck to npr.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
