Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
