White coat. Heels.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
