he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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