if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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