You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want a musical about memes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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