That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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