I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
