so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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