Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
