If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
