Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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