Will you blow on my dice?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
