State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
