She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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