the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
