Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
