I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
