If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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