Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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