It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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