He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize