He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
