Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
