My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
