Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
