Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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