I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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