He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My bed smells like the plague
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
