Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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