whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
