Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
