After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
