When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
