sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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