is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
