Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
