Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
