i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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