Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
