Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
