You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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