i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
