I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
