Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
