made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
