I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
