I want to make a zoo with you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
