I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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