This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
