My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
