but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
