I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
