ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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