No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
