The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
